This Much I Know

O Cristo Redentor as seen from the foot of the Corcovado
Mountain in Rio de Janeiro.

Eleven months have both flown by and crawled along.  This seems an appropriate summation of my first year in Brazil as I reflect upon what I have learned about the country and culture after nearly a year: Brazil is a land of extremes.

Having spent five years in Colombia I was used to many differences other North Americans take a while to adjust to - traffic/driving, punctuality issues, lack of personal space, all-night soirées, etc.  However, even things I thought I was used to got ratcheted up a few notches or I was introduced to new cultural quirks.  That being said, these are the Top 5 Thing I Now Know About Brazil, the first edition:

Breakfast on Ilha Grande

1. What line?  There is no such thing as a line.  Well, there is.  It's the long weaving stretch of people that you just stepped in front of, but whatever. Tudo bom.  It's all good.  You just go ahead and act like you didn't see it.  I've seen this happen to a lesser extent in other parts of Latin America but Brazilians are down-right the grand champions of it.  And it is the one most infuriating cultural thing that I can not seem to let go of.
2. We want...to pump...you up!  Gym are supposed to have trainers.  Or at the very least workers who maintain the machines and pick up after the lazy gym users who can't seem to put things back even remotely close to where they should be.  Gyms in Brazil often come with enough staff to spot everyone simultaneously.  (Slight exaggeration, but there are an over-abundance of trainers at nearly every gym.)  Having a personal trainer in the US is a luxury you need to pay extra for.  Having one here is expected.  It makes for some awkwardness when you show up at an odd time and there are more trainers than people working out.
3. Crabby cashiers. Let's just put it this way: I have chosen my preferred grocery stores - there are four within reasonable walking distance from my apartment - by the amount of disdain the cashier's eyes seem to give me.  It sometimes makes me feel as if they have committed a crime and instead of going to prison, have been shackled to the register.  Also, I apparently put them there.  Ouch.  I'm sorry, but I'm excited about my bag of mangos; I'm going home to make juice.  Don't hate.
4. Spare some change?  No, this isn't the homeless man on the corner.  This every person ever in  Brazil when you pay from something.  Even with small bills.  This has happened to me in Colombia, Peru, Argentina, and Nicaragua.  Where are the smaller denominations being hidden? Quit giving me so many R50 bills at the ATM!  I'm sure there is a logical reason some economist could give me, but honestly I would rather just not have to deal with it.  Again.
5. So, what do you do?  Brazil takes efficiency and knocks it out with a blunt club, stuffs it in a car trunk, and drives it off a pier.  In the spirit of creating more jobs (?) so many places take one task and divide it into many.  You may go to a club and have one person sell you the ticket as you enter the door and another to take it from you in your next step.  There is a small shopping center in the next neighborhood from mine that has many "stores" but only one central register that handles money.  This means if I want an item at two (or more) different "stores" then each one gets rung up on site, I am given a receipt, and my purchase it whisked away by an eager sales person for me to see again once I finally show up at the central check out and hand over my pile of receipts. Oh, but the cashier I pay doesn't give me my purchase; she just takes my money and gives me another consolidated receipt which I take to another sales person who "finds" my purchases and bags them. This example is extreme, but lesser versions of it exist all over this country.

Samba in Campinas

If this list sounds a bit negative, it is not meant to.  Brazil is a lovely place with many wonderful things to see and a deep, complex history.  I hope the next twelve months bring many more moments of exploration, learning, and understanding.  Mostly, I hope to thicken my skin that much more to ready myself for any lines I may encounter.